Alt. Pop

Drink: Ayran
Synopsis:  Not to be mistaken for a typo of the similarly-spelled word ‘Aryan’, Ayran is an Azeri ‘yoghurtdrink’ whose packaging features a closed-eyed lady supping the beverage in a state of 100% pleasure. It’s apparently served in McDonald’s branches in Turkey, because it’s good with meat; in Iran, it’s available in carbonated form; Anatolia makes it from ewe’s milk. My non-continental verdict, is, however, that it’s utterly unbearable - its flat, sour sensation could only be dealt with if on a dare. It’s like drinking a bad lassi. So Englebert Humperdinck, prepare yourself for your Eurovision trip to Baku by heading down to the Russian convenience store on Cambridge Heath Road in east London - and then you’ll be able to say “no thank you, I’ve tried it already and Im not a fan, but thank you very much for offering and it’s by no means a slant against your culture”.